Makings of a Midwife

Reiki for Birth Fears and Trauma

2011-05-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

Reiki for Birth Fears and Trauma by

Tiffany Hoffman, MS, LMT, RM

Concerns during pregnancy can be a normal part of the process. Women often begin to feel the desire to protect their new child from the moment they find out they are pregnant. When those concerns become fears that detract from, rather than add to, the health and safety of the pregnancy, it may be beneficial to address them. Cultural attitudes, family beliefs, and media portrayals of the nature of birth can play into fears. Excess fear by its very nature is counterproductive to the processes of pregnancy and birth. Our bodies cannot differentiate between a true threat to our survival and a birth related fear. Both produce a very similar chemical response that bathes the mother’s body (and therefore the baby) in hormones that support the “fight-or-flight” reaction. These hormones increase your heart rate and blood pressure, increase your rate of breathing, halt the digestion process and decrease immune system functioning so that all available energy can go to the brain and muscles to escape the threat. Because mother and baby are an interconnected unit, what the mother feels the baby feels. Reiki can be employed to address fears in a safe and gentle way that can help improve the overall health of the pregnancy as well as prepare the mind and body for a healthy labor.

During labor, the stress response can also play a role in the course of labor. One theory that sheds light on the concept of fear as it relates to the process of labor is the Pain-Fear-Tension cycle. When a woman experiences fear it creates tension in the body. That muscular tension uses energy and oxygen that is needed by the contracting uterus and other essential muscles. This is compounded when a woman feels she has no available coping mechanism for the increase in pain sensations, which begins the cycle again, turning it into a downward spiral. This cycle and the woman’s stress response can literally bring labor to a halt. Adrenaline, a stress hormone, works directly against oxytocin, the hormone responsible for uterine contractions. The term “failure to progress” during labor can refer to multiple reasons why labor stalls, including physical and emotional causes. If a woman is in an environment, mentally or physically, that makes her feel afraid, the release of adrenaline and other stress hormones will slow labor to ensure that the mother can get to a safe place and give the greatest chance of survival to her offspring. Ina May Gaskin explains this phenomenon called “Sphincter Law”. The cervix is a muscular sphincter that serves to keep the uterus closed and as such responds the same way as those sphincters involved in urination and defecation. In an environment that does not provide privacy and intimacy, these sphincters have a much more difficult time relaxing. Think about what happened the last time you were using the restroom and someone walked in unexpectedly. Everything stops until you again feel safe and comfortable. High levels of adrenaline actually can prevent these sphincters from opening and will prevent the cervix from fully dilating. This can start an unwanted cascade of interventions.

Birth is a primal behavior that is best governed by the brain stem. When women are plagued with constant fears, worries, and thoughts they engage the cognitive part of their brain that does not aid, and very often inhibits, the birthing process. By addressing the fear and working to physically reduce the tension, the spiral can be avoided or reversed and women may be better able to give themselves over to this primal process. When fears have been identified and strategies for coping have been employed, the birth process is more likely to proceed in a normal fashion.

Pain and Anxiety Reduction During Labor

Because Reiki induces relaxation, it reduces the perception of pain and helps the laboring woman rest when necessary and conserve her energy during the physically challenging process of labor. Reiki can also help reduce blood pressure, allowing for vital oxygen and nutrients to be delivered to the baby.

Previous Traumatic Birth Experience

Some woman have found difficulty in adjusting to life and parenthood following a traumatic birth experience. Other woman may be expecting an additional child and may want to work through the past experience before going into labor again. Reiki can help the mother resolve lingering feelings and negativity from a previous experience.

History of Sexual Assault or Abuse

Birth is a personal and intimate process involving the same anatomical parts as sexual activity. The process of labor and birth can often unexpectedly trigger emotions and memories of previous sexual abuse or assault. Some women may not remember the abuse, but repressed memories stored in the body can be triggered during labor and birth. Common triggers can be words used by caregivers (“relax, it won‘t hurt as much”, “give in”, “don’t fight it”), loss of control, invasive exams, pain in the same area as the abuse, exposure, and mistrust of strangers or authority figures. One often overlooked effect of sexual abuse/assault is its impact on breastfeeding. Reiki sessions geared towards finding possible triggers and corresponding coping mechanisms can help improve the birth experience.

Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, or the Loss of a Child

The loss of a pregnancy or death of a child can be one of the most devastating life experiences. Women who have been deeply affected by loss can use Reiki to continue through the grieving process, find closure or manage fears and concerns regarding a current or future pregnancy or birth. Reiki can also address the physical body and the effects of stress inherent to loss.

Reiki for Pregnancy and Labor Preparation

2011-05-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Reiki for Pregnancy and Labor Preparation

By Tiffany Hoffman, MS, LMT, RM

What is Reiki?

Reiki is an ancient Japanese form of energy work that calms the portion of the autonomic nervous system which is involved in the “fight or flight” response. Calming this portion of the nervous system brings about the relaxation response which improves digestion, decreases heart rate and blood pressure, slows breathing, and can improve sleep. It involves hand placements that affect the flow of energy throughout the body and is a safe, gentle way to produce favorable change. For expecting women, Reiki offers a safe space to release fears and let go of worries, while connecting with their body and their baby. Reiki is non-invasive and can benefit a wide range of ailments. The calming effect on the nervous system aids the body in repairing and healing itself as the body is able to more effectively utilize energy and nutrients that were being diverted to other areas to ensure survival. In chronic stress, the energy that is used to digest food and perform much needed bodily maintenance is used instead to ready the body to defend itself or run. This consistently heightened state of stress eventually wreaks havoc on the body.

One benefit of a nervous system that is calm is deeper, more restorative sleep. During deep sleep is when the body does the bulk of its repairs that serve to maintain health. Another benefit is a reduced perception of pain. The nervous system in a heightened state helps us address those areas that need attention by making us more aware of pain. During pregnancy, the normal changes that accompany the growing baby can cause discomfort, and by calming the nervous system, these discomforts can be reduced or eliminated.

For these reasons and more, Reiki is becoming more widely used in various settings including emergency rooms, ambulances, hospices and other medical settings throughout the country. Hartford Hospital in Hartford, Connecticut conducted a study using Reiki during pregnancy with the following results:

94% reduction in stress and anxiety

78% reduction in pain

80% reduction in nausea and morning sickness

86% improvement in quality of sleep

Effects of High Levels of Stress During Pregnancy

Everyone experiences stress to some degree. Often times it isn’t the amount of stress that matters, but how it is dealt with. Finding a coping mechanism that allows healthy release of tension or induces relaxation can make all the difference. When there is no coping mechanism for stress, risk of certain conditions during pregnancy can increase, such as:

Increased risk of premature delivery

Increased risk of low birth weight

Increased Blood Pressure

Increased Heart Rate

Increased risk of chronic anxiety

Along with a well-balanced diet and regular exercise, Reiki can be a useful tool in coping with the stresses of everyday life.

Which Conditions or Situations Can Be Helped with Reiki for the Childbearing Woman?

Infertility

The ways in which stress may affect fertility are different for every woman. Reiki can help the body find a state of homeostasis that allows for deep, regenerative sleep, hormonal balancing and emotional healing that can increase the body’s ability to perform all biological processes, including reproduction. It works well in conjunction with assisted fertility technologies as well as natural conception.

Overall Pregnancy Health

Reiki induces the relaxation response which allows the body to use available resources to improve overall health. Reiki also creates a safe environment to address concerns regarding pregnancy, birth and parenting. Some other benefits include:

Easing morning sickness

Reducing tension felt in the joints

Can help reduce blood pressure

Improves immune system function

Restoring energy and reducing fatigue

Helps the mother prepare physically, emotionally and spiritually for birth

Can increase positive, loving feelings towards the baby

Decreases feelings of anxiety

Pain and Anxiety Reduction During Labor

Surgical Birth

Reiki can calm the mind and ready the body prior to the surgery and speed recovery and healing following the birth. Fears regarding surgery and the implications of surgical birth can also be addressed.

Stressful Life or Work Situation

As discussed in the section on birth fears, chronic stress can have a negative impact on the health of the mother and the baby. By calming the sympathetic portion of the nervous system, Reiki can help create a state of mind in which handling the stresses of life seems easier and more doable with less anxiety.

Transitioning During the Postpartum Period

After labor and birth, the mother’s body begins its transition to the pre-pregnancy state. Reiki can hasten this recovery by decreasing pain and discomfort as well as speeding healing. Reiki can also help with the hormonal transitioning after birth that can often feel like a “hormonal rollercoaster” and minimize the feeling of “baby blues”. Mild depression, difficulty bonding, and difficulties with breastfeeding may respond positively with Reiki. Receiving Reiki can also help the effectiveness of sessions with other mental health providers.

Whether the birth experience is positive or negative, it is a transformative experience that is integrated into a woman’s new sense of self and her role as a woman and as a mother. Having the opportunity to process this experience can often ease the transition to motherhood.

Reiki for the Newborn

Birth is a major transition for newborns, going from a protected, intimate, fluid environment where everything is immediately provided to an air filled environment where they must communicate all of their needs. Reiki can help calm their newly bombarded nervous system within moments promoting a feeling of peace and safety. Reiki can easily be done with the newborn skin-to-skin with the new mother. Reiki is especially helpful for newborns after a long or hard birth, after a long separation from their mother, or while in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Babies born to mothers who received Reiki during their pregnancy very often recognize the feeling of Reiki and respond almost immediately.

Reiki is an ancient modality that is again gaining popularity. This natural, safe, and non-invasive way of reducing stress and connecting with your growing baby can be incredibly empowering and healing.

Why I Advocate for Homebirth

2011-02-21T19:34:00.000-08:00

I have come to realize in a very real way that my opinions on birth don't just effect me. They effect my child, my friends, my family, and my clients. Some entirely unintended effects are that some of my friends feel they can't talk to me and some of my clients feel they failed me or feel judged by me if they don't have an unmedicated or homebirth. I hope this post can clarify my thoughts. I advocate for homebirth not because I feel it is the only true choice or because I think homebirth mothers are somehow superior. I advocate for homebirth because I care a lot about my friends and clients. It is out of protection and love that I wish a homebirth for you. A place where you will be honored simply because you are a woman embarking on this amazing and challenging journey, a place where you can have moments of weakness and not be rescued, a place where you will be respected for your choices no matter what they are, a place where you will be surrounded by women who will empathize with you and support your innate strength and ability to bring your baby into this world, a place where your baby will be treated as a human being and will be handled gently with love, a place where at least this birth assistant will have tears in her eyes from the sheer awe that comes with every woman's birth triumph and love for her new baby....this place is your home.

My own birth is one which most of my friends know was very disempowering, disrespectful, unfulfilling, and at times traumatic. If mine were the exception in the many hospital births I've attended, I could get past it, but it isn't. I have attended similar births over and over. Women are sold short by their care providers over and over. Women are not given all the information they need to make the best decisions for themselves and their babies over and over. Mothers are separated from their babies for absolutely no good reason over and over. Women are treated as weak, unintelligent burdens over and over.

I have the sometimes unfortunate ability to feel other people's emotions as my own. Every time a friend or client has a negative or traumatic birth experience, I feel it. When it doesn't work out the way they had hoped and they are filled with guilt, sadness and regret, I feel it. What gets difficult for me is feeling it so often. So you see it isn't judgement that I am feeling, it is a deep sadness that you didn't get what you deserved.

I understand that not every woman can birth safely at home, and I mourn for them, not because they have to go to the hospital, but because they don't get a choice. I also understand that not every woman feels safe giving birth at home, and I mourn for them as well, again not because they have to go to the hospital, but because society and the media have taken away their ability to choose. This is not to say that women cannot have a satisfying and positive birth experience in the hospital. They can and they do. Every time a friend or client chooses the hospital for their birth, I hope against hope that it will be everything they hoped for and more. And if, for some reason, it isn't, I will be there to support them and hold their hand through the tears that will eventually come, not judging, just feeling their pain.

So my sincere wish for every woman is, at the very least, to witness a gentle, loving, respectful, joyful homebirth. I wish this because I want every woman to know what is possible. Then they can make a truly informed decision on where the best place is to have their baby.

Please go to this amazing blog post that accurately represents my doula and birth philosophy. I couldn't have said it better myself. http://http//phdoula.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-i-want-my-friends-to-know.html

AND THE WINNER IS................

2008-08-15T21:02:00.000-07:00

Malea !!!

I could not think of a better reason to begin writing my blog again than outrageous bragging on behalf of my incredible child. We entered her in the Dillard's back-to-school model makeover contest in which parents sent in pictures of their child in worn out, outgrown clothing. The reward was a $250 mini-shopping spree (I say mini because it's Dillard's and their stuff is EXPENSIVE), a photo shoot for the Sunday paper, and walking the runway in a fashion show. I entered her for the free clothes, her goal was the photo shoot and fashion show.

The bottom photo was the winner. The top photo was her favorite.

After being notified that she was a winner (and several long minutes of screaming at the top of her lungs) we set up an appointment for a fitting. They allowed Malea to choose two outfits for the photo shoot and fashion show. After several hours of trying on and picking, then reconsidering and adding, she had her two outfits. We were to return the next day for the photo shoot.

When we arrived at Dillard's Malea was VERY excited. She had been practicing poses and looks for days.

Upon arrival she was ushered into the dressing room to don her first outfit and then sent to hair and make-up. Funny thing is, they decided her hair was so cute that she didn't need hair, just make-up. Now I'm not sure if that is because it really was cute or because the mane on her head is daunting, having sent hair dressers running, fearing for their lives. Combing it out takes up to 45 minutes when we haven't been religious about combing it and the amount of product required to tame it is mindblowing. So I guess we'll never know. I'll just take it as a compliment. Make-up was very light and quick.

Ahhhhh.... I didn't think she could get any more beautiful than she already was. I was wrong

One outfit change later and even more gorgeous.

Even models have their moments.
I will attempt to post the video from the fashion show scheduled for tomorrow, something I have yet to figure out how to do.

I have kept Malea from modeling, despite the constant urging from family, friends, and complete strangers because I wanted her to know that the inside is far more important than the outside. I hope that there has been enough of a foundation laid that she can be both- pretty inside and out. I figured that the call from the Gifted and Talented Program last week telling me how smart she was was an indication that she wasn't all beauty, but a bunch of brains as well.

Pull'em out, Pull 'em out, Waaaay out!!!

2008-02-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

My gorgeous child has been struggling with a not so gorgeous pair of loose teeth. They have been very loose and very crooked for like two or three months now. She was starting to get teased because she began looking a little like Mater from the movie "Cars". We have spent evenings wiggling these two stubborn teeth and have been anxiously waiting for them to fall out. Tonight she went for it.

Before: two crazy teeth

10 Minutes Later: One down, one to go

After: 5 minutes later, one extremely happy, screaming toothless wonder

It's funny how, as a parent, you anxiously await the milestones only to realize afterwards that there is one more thing you will never again experience with them. Proof that they are one step closer to being grown and gone. I am so thankful that I was not at a birth or at school. We got to share a very special moment that I am sure she won't soon forget. A ray of light in a week full of clouds. Hopefully it will be a fond memory that will help her through the times when I'm not able to be there. I have one very tough, brave girl who I know will continue to make me proud every day.

Brand Spanking New Political Activist

2008-01-26T13:40:00.000-08:00

I have always prided myself on being relatively well informed. I know enough about a variety of subjects to be dangerous, a bit like a "jack-of-all-trades master of none". I realized this last week that I am painfully ignorant to the ways of our government. It began with the caucus I went to here in Nevada. I debated going because I have never been to one, and I am not comfortable in situations I am unfamiliar with. I had no idea what to expect and had assumed that there would be lots of people trying to give me information to help me make up my mind. Yes, I'm still on the fence, even after caucusing (if that's a word). That didn't happen. I had to beg to have my questions answered and no one from any camp knew a thing about midwives, especially the direct-entry variety. I can't say I'm shocked. What I can say is that I'm disappointed. I realize that I am entering a field that is not well known nationally and especially in Nevada, but I had hoped that someone would have some idea. Didn't happen. I did have conversations with several other voters, and they are now aware of midwives (or at least midwifery students) in Nevada. Maybe that is my role in all of this. Education. I know my massage clients are sick of hearing my latest midwifery rant, so talking about midwifery is apparently very easy and enjoyable for me.

Round two came in Washington state this week at school. Part of the education I am receiving includes political issues surrounding midwifery. It is an invaluable part of the program. I spent an entire day with midwives, instructors, student midwives, and midwifery consumers meeting with state senators and representatives to help gather support for a midwifery related bill. Embarrassingly, I have no idea who my representatives are, nor did I know that I could just make an appointment and talk with them. I can't say that before midwifery I had much to talk to them about. I have been fairly absent when it comes to knowing local issues.

I was impressed with the knowledge, tenacity and patience of these women who have come before me, the ones who have opened, and will continue to open, the door for me. I plan to help nudge it open a little further. I have now been bitten by the political bug, and have no idea where that will take me or what it might mean. I think it means I am in for a long, exhausting haul. With no licensing or regulation in the state of Nevada, and many who prefer it stay that way, I'm not sure what the future holds. What I do know is that I want to be part of that future, whatever it may bring.

The First Step

2008-01-17T21:43:00.000-08:00

On the midwifery front, I was part of an amazing birth last night. I got to watch a fantastic doula in action and help out here and there with a little Reiki and massage during the labor at home. And then we left for the hospital. I was very skeptical of what would take place when we got there. We were greeted exactly the way I had assumed. The anxiety level went up about 8 notches when we got there. Bright lights, lots of people (5 in addition to the 4 of us) 3 offers for a heplock, lots of monitoring and I think a partridge in a pear tree. During that time, the doula was great. She stayed in the moms face and helped her tune it all out and focus her back. The feeling had changed dramatically from what it had been at the house.

And then something entirely unexpected happened. A nurse-midwife was attending the birth, and as soon as she got there things began to change. She turned the lights WAY down, took the monitors off to respect the mom's wishes for intermittent monitoring and had a nurse hold it on every other contraction. She brought the level of the room way down. She did the most amazing instruction and perineal support during crowning that my jaw literally dropped. I might even have said "Holy shit!" under my breath. The baby got to go right to mom's chest where she was left for at least an hour. It was the closest thing I have ever seen to a homebirth in the hospital. No meds, no wires, no harassing of the mom. I cried as usual and was just grateful that I got to be there and help out in whatever minuscule way I could. Births make me outrageously happy. School administrators are a whole different story....

A New Reality

2008-01-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

Day one: Classmates started winter quarter. I did not. I went to clinic because I can't see myself anywhere else doing anything else. There is a possibility that I won't get credit for these hours, but I don't care. There are times in life when things don't go exactly as you planned, and the reason doesn't become apparent until much later. I have joked about my adventures in dating, but a life partner is something I have asked for over and over. I have also been told that starting a relationship in midwifery school and having it succeed is near impossible. I guess the saying is true, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." Maybe one prayer has been answered at the expense of the other. Maybe one has just been delayed only to be more greatly appreciated down the road. I am still wading through the immense disappointment. I just need to have faith.

Ahhh... Nothing Better Than a New Baby

2007-12-30T21:06:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share the photos of my first solo newborn exam. Beautiful Avalon's parents gave me permission to post these. I love this job.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

2007-11-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Got home last night. Greeted with a big hug accompanied by screams of "Mommy! Mommy!" There's something about being hugged so hard you almost fall over by your six year-old. Nothing like it. I spent the week worried about her, as usual. I think many of the people around me think that when I go away for the week to school that it's a mini vacation. In all honesty, they are the hardest weeks of all. I love being with such intelligent, strong women who "get" why I want to be a midwife. I am awed and inspired every time I go. Therein lies the rub. I have to leave my child every month to attend class. I have clinic and births to attend to meet requirements (but I just plain love babies in bellys). I have to study and do homework. I have to work to provide for us, and I am the lone parent. Most days I feel an obligation to be there twice as much because she is minus an active parent. Lately I'm with her half as much, and it kills me. I know that if I can just get through the rest of this school year, things will improve. Rationality isn't winning out most days.

I spent the week at school on the verge of tears, as I often do. Adding to the difficulties of an intense fear of flying often accompanied by a panic attack when there is turbulence, and missing my baby, was another emotionally draining round of counseling class. The worst part of the class is that it is so interesting and needed, but it often brings with it personal revelations that hit me out of left field. It is supposed to be counseling skills to aid our clients, but it often turns into the instructor counseling us and us counseling each other. It is emotionally exhausting. I really thought that I had worked through most of my "stuff". Apparently I was wrong. (Thanks weezie)

The new roommate moves in Sunday. He seems harmless. I'm sure that it will turn out well. Still looking for a 2nd. I will be ramping up my efforts. How I'm not quite sure.

Feeling a little blue all around, but it usually subsides after a few days with my gorgeous girl. Nothing a huge bucket of Halloween candy won't fix.

Roommates Wanted

2007-10-21T16:24:00.000-07:00

In my latest attempt to avoid financial ruin while in school, I have decided to rent out a few rooms in my house. I just interviewed one person, and he seems like a nice, young guy working on a Master's Degree. I am still a little hesitant about letting other people into my house, especially male people (no offense), but sacrifice is my middle name. I really want my daughter to stay in her school's zone because it is a great school. I really like some of my neighbors, too. Anyone who offers to let me drop my child off in the middle of the night so I can go to a birth is good people. Not to mention the fact that I had to move during winter quarter last year and it almost did me in- literally. I don't have the strength, stamina, or time to move. So roommates it is.

On the midwifery front, I am amazed by the human body yet again. Learned a lesson at a birth. Never assume that because a woman is a grand multipara (more than 5 babies, I think) that her labor will be short. The birth could take less than a minute from push to baby, but the labor could go a good 11 hours. Just something to keep in mind.

On the dating front, I think I'm easy. Not get-in-my-pants easy, but getting smitten easy. I am really liking Deputy Don. I thought that I had scared him off while messaging on the Internet. I am rather opinionated and really like to know where people are coming from in their beliefs, so if we don't agree, it can be an intense discussion. After ending our "discussion" I wasn't sure if I'd hear from him. I sent him an email the next morning to clarify my position on the matter. This after not having gotten the usual "good morning" email from him. I didn't hear from him for two days. I had already gone through the obligatory post-screw-up self-assessment check list- "Am I too honest? Am I too confrontative? Do I expect too much? Am I just difficult with a capital D?" I was sure I wouldn't hear from him. A friend of mine gave me a pep talk-Someone out there will love my honesty and love me for that honesty, so I was feeling better.

Then he emailed me and informed me that he had worked a double shift, was sorry for the delay. All that introspection for nothing. So here is a little bit of what he said:

"You are so honest, so forthcoming...I love it. I'm so tired of the games and lies the people around me play. Saying one thing, doing another. I don't worry about that with you."

He called for the first time while I was at a long birth and he has a very nice voice. He wants to meet me. I wonder if that means he will come from the east coast for a date or two? I have to say, that would score him some big points. We have yet to actually talk, but if he is as good in person as he is on paper.........

Looooong Day

2007-10-13T01:17:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Midwifery.
I woke up this morning still tired from this new lack-of-a-normal- sleeping- schedule thing. I woke up early because I was fortunate enough to get to watch surgeries with my fantastic Gyn preceptor. I got to see uteri (is that the plural?) and cervices from the inside out. I got to see one hysterectomy through a scope and had all the pertinent structures pointed out and had a great view. I also got to see two through vertical incisions because of the size of the uteri involved. The human body never ceases to amaze me. Eight hours has never gone quite so fast before.
The kicker- I got called to a birth the minute I walked out of the hospital. Which had me ridiculously excited and sad at the same time. There was a baby coming, but I only saw my baby girl for 30 minutes this morning before I left and she was asleep when I got home. Good news- I got to see her for 30 minutes this morning and the momma in labor was a multip so I got home to get some sleep at a semi decent hour.
It is so hard to be torn between two things you love so much. I know my momma classmates struggle with it, too. I can't imagine a significant other in the mix who needs and deserves your time as well. I miss out on the built-in babysitter, but I get off scott free from the partner guilt.

Disappointment All Around

2007-10-11T02:43:00.000-07:00

Had a mom transfer in to the hospital tonight. First-timer with a breech and understandably she couldn't take the pain with the lack of progress. I'm disappointed that I missed another birth. Disappointed that this woman that I really liked didn't get the birth she originally wanted. Disappointed because this nice, uninsured couple will now have a ridiculous hospital bill to add to the financial stress of a new baby. A small selfish part of me is disappointed that I spent hours that don't count towards requirements because they could have been spent with my own child. I know what I have signed on for and that it is all a part of midwifery, but I am also realizing what a luxury it would be to be a single, young, childless midwifery student (who is also independently wealthy-and believe it or not I know someone who fits that bill). The irony is that if Ididn't have my daughter, I probably wouldn't be doing this. So off to bed I go to wait for baby #2 and hope the others "in the window" subconciously decide to politely take turns.

Reiki

2007-09-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share what seems to be a success in the world of infertility. I once read that 75% of infertility is due to stress and stress related disorders. With this in mind my business partner and I did a couple of our "Signature Massages" that combine Reiki and massage at the same time on one of our clients battling infertility. She has been trying for many years and is being threatened by the ticking clock. We were ecstatic to find out that her last round of IVF was successful. I am hoping that the positive thoughts of others will help bring her baby into this world, so please keep them in your thoughts.

I realize that this is one case, but the effects of Reiki are so profound and far reaching that if you haven't ever had Reiki, go get some. It calms your sympathetic nervous system and takes you from"fight-or-flight" to "rest-and-digest". Your mind can't function and neither can your body when you are constantly stressed and trying to survive. Our society is built around stress and how much or how quickly we can accomplish things. We worry constantly. We are almost constantly releasing cortisol that perpetuates the stressed state. I liken Reiki to Prozac without the sexual side effects. You enter the session with a "full plate of life". You leave with that same full plate, but with an ability to rearrange it and prioritize it. You feel centered, grounded and relaxed, able to deal with almost anything.

Reiki's effects in childbirth are even more phenomenal. Fear or anger brings the body into fight-or-flight which stops the laboring woman from having her baby. It is a protective mechanism that ensures the survival of the species. The body can't discriminate between fear of birth and fear of being killed by a predator. Birth requires safety (real or imagined) and the ability to go into the parasympathetic side of the nervous system. Reiki does that.

An OB/Gyn named Jeri Mills wrote a book called "Tapestry of Healing" on her use of Reiki in labor. www.tapestryofhealing.com/reiki.htm If you skip to the second half of the book, it details how Reiki helps with pain control during labor. Some women are able to sleep through most of their labor while receiving Reiki. It's amazing stuff. Just know that if the description sounds woo-woo, there is a better explanation. If you have bad results or no results from a treatment, find another practitioner. If they can't explain to some extent how or why it works, then they just haven't looked. There is plenty of research. Although more really good research is always needed.

Just something to think about, maybe another tool in the toolbag.

Angry Naked guy at Burnt Man

2007-09-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

There are no pictures of anyone other than those from our camp because there is a rule "What happens at Burning Man stays at Burning Man." For this reason it is against the rules to take pictures of anyone without first asking their permission. Although there were pictures taken of me at one point without permission, and I am waiting for them to turn up.

Day one:

Before we even arrive we see news reports that some idiot set off fireworks and burnt the man. It was 85% damaged and had to be rebuilt in 5 days basically from scratch. His mug shot is hilarious. He seems very proud of himself. $26,000 worth of bail later, he was back at Burning Man.

(Photo: Pershing County Sheriffs office)

We search for our campsite and the friends we are meeting. Almost everyone at Burning Man rides a bike because of the vast expanse that this event covers. At last count there were 45,000 people there. As we are walking the roads in prickling heat (the kind that stings your skin it is so intense) we are still new to the nakedness. The boys put on their sunglasses-so as not to be rude as they stare at all the bare breasts. It is easier for me because boobs don't phase me (thanks to all the breast exams at school) and penises are low enough that I can just look straight ahead. But the one thing I can't seem to get over is male naked bike riding. It does not look comfortable in the least.

We eventually find our camp and settle in to our comfy trailer.

If you look on the top of the trailer in the distance, you can barely make out the figures of five extremely hot guys, one in underwear. This was the view from our trailer- now that's what I'm talking about. The only down side is that there were never any women at their camp. Hmmmm.....

I couldn't help but try to blow it up.

We go out to explore the playa, look at the art cars and visit center tent. After a very interesting afternoon of watching breast painting, strangely erotic dancing, and really cool costumed people on stilts, we headed back to camp. On the way we met angry naked guy. Another first for me.

He charged out of center tent muttering something about someone being a bitch and being too good for him. It appeared to be a joke, because there are no angry people at Burning Man. Everyone is nice, complimentary, and giving (in so many ways). But as I laugh at him he becomes very agitated and focuses on my friend. He tells her she is a bitch and should "go back to bitchola" which is apparently a place where bitches live. I couldn't help but laugh really loud. Bad idea. One of the boys cut him off as he charged my friend. He stopped short and just put his face right up to the side of our boy's face and said "I'm gonna look at you." The really ironic thing is that, little did he know, his nakedness saved him. He was obviously very chemically altered and our boy is not one to allow strange men to charge his friends. Our boy later said "I just couldn't bring myself to throw down with a naked guy." I have to agree.

My 1st Musing from The Man

2007-09-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

So, it's the recap everyone has been waiting for. I wasn't quite sure how to approach this entry because it's a little schizophrenic. It had some amazingly fun elements, profoundly life changing moments, and some eerily strange happenings. It is such an all encompassing experience, where to begin, where to begin? I think I will share the experience in pieces and add pictures as they become available.

It started the minute we drove up. I thought I could ease in to the experience given my modest leanings, but NO. I arrived on "Naked Greeter Day"! As we drove up it began to dawn on me that the nice man handing out maps and searching your car for stow aways was entirely nude except for his hiking boots and sunglasses. I'm not sure if any of you have had a friendly nonchalant conversation with a completely nude stranger, but surreal doesn't quite cover it. Surreal covers one of my classmates publicly removing a cervical cap we had just fitted her with as we all yelled our best tips for removal. Strangers are another story.

So I am trying to figure out a way to get out of the line I'm in to get to one with a clothed greeter, and my friend (who is amused beyond belief at this point) says "Sweetie, they're all naked." I manage to quell my panic attack by thinking "For God's sake it's only a penis. You have seen one before." I pull up and our very personable greeter hands us our map and activity book, gives us some good advice about survival and then asks if this is our first time to Burning Man. This is an important question. It is important because if someone rats you out as a first-timer you will be made fun of publicly. I was ratted out, so I ratted out the friends in the car behind us.Public humiliation is best done with friends. I was forced to get out of the car with the friendly naked man and my two friends, all the while looking strategically from naked man's neck up. The boys were forced to roll around in the dirt (I declined this portion) and then we had to yell at the top of our lungs "I'm not a Fucking virgin anymore!" and then ring a bell by hitting it with a bat. Don't try to do it quietly because you will be forced to do it over and over until you scream it.

Let the games begin.

Baby Girl

2007-08-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm stunned. Touched by the loss of a baby. It leaves you pondering the meaning of life, why bad things happen to good people, and whether or not the length of our lives is predestined before we ever get here. I knew that this career choice would bring with it immeasurable joy and happiness. I also knew that it would bring the exact opposite as well. I held this baby, looked into her eyes and became attached. She was beautiful. I Reiki'd her for almost a half an hour thanks to lovely hour long midwifery visits. If one death is this hard, can I handle more? I come off as being pretty tough and unaffected, but underneath it all, I am a big softy. This was a hard one to take. Makes me even more thankful for all that I have been given. I've hugged my daughter tighter, kissed her even more, and treasured the time we've spent more than ever. Thanks for the gift baby girl- you'll be on my mind.

Another Milestone

2007-08-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

I am eternally grateful. I was able to be present for another of my daughter's important moments. I am pleased to announce that I am the proud parent of a two-wheel rider. The training wheels are a thing of the past. There is such joy when you see your child careening down the neighborhood street, barely missing parked cars and crashing into curbs. It is a right-of-passage.

I ran beside her and I let go. It's the beginning of a long process that will end when she leaves me as a well-adjusted (hopefully), independent woman. I am immensely proud today, as I am sure I will be when she leaves my house for good. Sad, but proud. You make choices and sacrifices to create this, but when it actually happens it's bittersweet. It's nice to be needed. It's even nicer not to be needed. I think it means I'm doing my job.

11 days 'til Burning Man

2007-08-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

I tried to get out of going, but I have failed. I am excited, but apprehensive. This will be way outside my box. I am going to a place where nudity is so commonplace that you forget to notice. A year ago I couldn't even say the word vagina out loud. Thanks to my midwifery classmates saying vagina is no longer a problem, and I am even comfortable with clitoris (the much more embarrassing cousin of vagina). I doubt I will be meandering around the desert naked, but I didn't think I would be looking forward to doing vaginal exams and commenting on the beauty of cervices (is that the plural of cervix?) either. So I go with an open mind. My last "trip" before I am on-call full-time. Four days away from my girl (sigh*). My friend thinks this will be a life changing event for me, in the deepest, most spiritual sense. It will be the culmination of a year of intense personal, emotional, spiritual and professional growth. Here's to the new me.

A Day at the Beach

2007-08-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

Spent one of my last days before having to go "on call" at the beach. All in all a good day.

I hope during my senior year of midwifery school when I am attending eleven births a month and I haven't seen her in days that she remembers that I love her more than anything. I have tried to create lasting memories for her to fall back on when my work becomes hard for her, when I am away for long periods. I hope that I've done a good job.

Success!!

2007-08-11T19:09:00.001-07:00

Did my first "real" blood draw and struck gold on the first try. Thanks to all my classmates that allowed me to use them as pincushions. My hands were only a little shaky and the mama was a great sport. She knew it was my first try and let me go at it. There is something so satisfying about being able to take blood, can't exactly put my finger on it. The best part is that my daughter got to watch from the doorway. She was impressed. That's my girl.

Grateful

2007-08-09T16:34:00.001-07:00

She is by far the greatest thing I have ever done. I am amazed every day at this small person that I helped to create. She was created and nurtured in my body.

She is wicked smart.

Perceptive.

Funny.

Forgiving.

Loving.

Affectionate.

Charismatic.

Outgoing.

Independent.

Loved more than she knows.

There is nothing more all consuming than the love you feel when you look at your child. It is a love I never thought possible. It is a love that has transformed who I am and who I want to be. I am better for loving her, and valuing her life has led me to value my own.

Was called "midwife" for the first time, by a two year old- almost made me cry. I'm not worthy, but honored beyond belief.

Life is good.

The Single Life

2007-07-16T23:37:00.001-07:00

I have decided that Iam going to attempt to take this blogging thing more seriously. From what I understand not updating on a very regular basis is REALLY annoying, not that anyone reads this, but they may someday. I have sat and thought about the really great blogs of my friends and colleagues, and I have come to the realization that I have nothing to add to their absolutely brilliant thoughts and musings about midwifery. My relationship with midwifery is in it's infancy (pun intended) and I don't want to rob the profession of it's dignity with my forced attempts at coherency, if that's even a word. Where I think my rightful place will be in this journey is to share the day-to-day life of a single mother who also happens to be a midwifery student. Believe me, it's hilarious. At least that is what I keep telling myself when I am seconds away from voluntarily committing myself so that I can have just a few minutes to rest. Add to this the fact that I am soon to be 37 and never married, well you get the picture. The only other single mother in my midwifery class dropped out. That fact is not lost on me, and most days I think of joining her cause this shit is hard. Harder than anything I have ever done before. And at my age to try and date during all of this...... hilarity should ensue.

Baa

2007-05-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have officially earned the title of black sheep of the family. Usually it takes committing a crime, acquiring a drug habit, or some other offensive act to land yourself in the land of the black sheep, but unbeknownst to me, there seems to be another way--- Midwifery. For most people that may not seem like much, but my stepmother is a nurse and my sister-in-law is a nurse-practitioner for the area's leading cardiothoracic surgeon (about as medical as you can get). I underestimated the effect my announcement of midwifery school would have. I didn't realize that it would be taken as an affront to the chosen professions of my family members. I found out on Mother's Day that I have been forced into a "soft banishment". The women of the family all went out to celebrate the day together, and I was spirited away by my father under the guise of lunch with my daughter. My dad, being the slightly clueless, quickly aging male that he is, let the cat out of the bag without ever really realizing it. I have always flirted with black sheep status, what with my interracial dating (my most serious offense to date), massage school, and my choice of male roommates in college, but I never would have guessed that midwifery would be the nail in the coffin. I guess I shouldn't be offended.

Midwifery Cliff

2007-05-10T22:25:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh....Midwifery. Yeah I chose it. No, actually, it chose me- in a way that I can't fight or deny. It has worked its way into my life in a way I'll never be able to remove. I am realizing that I was born to be a midwife. I now know that every experience in my life has led me to this place(extremely cheesy, but true). The scary part is that this dream I have may end up denying me the other dreams I still have. I want a child so badly some days that it consumes me. I would like to actually meet a male that might make that happen, but student midwives have no social life. I tried it once. It didn't work out well. Add single working mother to the midwifery student mix and you have a recipe for social disaster. Not the hottest descriptors. Sometimes I look at all I might be giving up, and I hope that this doesn't turn out to be an all-or- nothing proposition. During my Winter quarter I had moments where I tried to decide not to be a midwife. Looking back I see that was like trying to decide not to be a woman- technically possible but it would take a lot of work, denial and medication to make it happen. I realize that this journey is akin to hurling myself off a cliff, even after I saw the dangerous drop coming. There are only two ways this will turn out. I can crash to my death (mostly social, some emotional), or by some miracle I will walk away an extremely happy fulfilled woman and midwife. Fasten your seatbelts.